


Sleeping Alone

by junko



Series: Scatter and Howl [51]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji sleeps for crap without Byakuya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleeping Alone

Sleeping alone sucked. Renji woke himself up a half dozen times. 

Once, he smacked his knuckles into the wall reaching for Byakuya; another time, the no longer familiar sound of the guard changing shift had him half jumping out of his cot. Even with all his blankets piled on, he kept waking up cold, missing Byakuya’s body heat. The quality of light was off, too, and somehow the moon seemed to shine brighter into his room more than at the estate--which had Renji lying there thinking about the whole stupid ‘monkey and the moon’ allegory. Instead of making him mad, Renji ended up in a weird headspace of being both maudlin and aroused, imagining moonlight on Byakuya’s pale skin. 

It’d taken what felt like hours to fall back asleep after that. 

The worst one, though, was this last, when he rolled clean onto the floor because he was used to a much bigger bed.

Sitting up, Renji rubbed his chin. The sun was nothing more than a dim sliver on the horizon, but he decided to give up trying to sleep. Dressing, he slid Zabimaru into place, and headed out to the practice yard.

Though it was still cold, there were signs of spring everywhere. The ancient plum tree that grew up close to the officer’s barracks had begun to bud. Stopping to admire the tiny nubs, Renji thought: Heh, plum blossoms was the thing that started this whole thing, wasn’t it? 

Plum flowers had been what had put Byakuya in the mood for drinking that first day… 

Which meant they were closing on a year together. 

And, if this stupid clan war dragged on, they’d be apart during the anniversary of Hisana’s death. Renji couldn’t decide if that was a bad thing… or a good one. 

It was probably just as well, since it was a little weird how the anniversary of her death was now the same day as the beginning of their relationship. That didn’t seem like the sort of thing Byakuya would really appreciate being reminded of. Besides, it wasn’t like Renji could ask for a celebratory meal on a day Byakuya would be spending graveside and in mourning.

Yeah, no matter what was going on with the clan war by then, it was probably smartest for Renji to just lay low on that day. Anyways, he could always find a better anniversary for the two of them--like that first night at the Hanami. That had been nice. Sure, some of the shit that came later that same weekend was kind of a low point, but, fuck, if he was going to try to pick a date after which they never had a horrible fight… well, there wouldn’t be any.

With that unpleasant thought, Renji silently called out Zabimaru and started slashing imaginary targets.

#

It wasn’t long before it got too dangerous to be practicing with Zabimaru’s extendable fangs. People were waking up and beginning their shifts--or ending them, in some cases. When the Mess Hall rang its bell, Renji joined the throng of soldiers hurrying to catch breakfast. Kinjo saw him and, apparently, couldn’t resist a jab: “Oi, Renji, not eating up at the big house?”

“Yeah, no, I’m slumming it with the peasants today,” he joked back, even though he really wanted to punch that smirk off Kinjo’s face.

A couple of people said they were happy to see Renji regardless of the reasons and so he managed to surrounded himself with jovial camaraderie through breakfast. Afterward, he waved goodbye to those heading off to work or bed and wondered what the hell to do with himself. There were hours yet until his afternoon shift started. Renji seriously considered either going back to bed or another round of training, but decided, instead, to wander over to the Thirteenth to check-in with Rukia.

He shunpo’d much of the distance, taking to the rooftops, but stopped several blocks out because he caught a whiff of the smell of roasting chestnuts. Lucking out, he found enough ken in the pockets of his hakama to order two sacks of the nuts. 

As he munched on his share, he remembered how excited Rukia had been the first time they’d ever had these treats. It had been their very first weekend at Academy, with no classes, and the whole neighborhood around the campus to explore. Food trucks had been so overwhelming--not to mention expensive for two Inuzuri mutts, but the chestnut seller had taken pity on their desperate pooling of coins and had offered a double for the price of one, “student discount” she’d said with a wink.

They’d spent most of that first day just sitting on the curb near the neighborhood square, people watching and carefully doling out the chestnuts so they would last for most of the afternoon. It had been early spring, much like today, the sky so blue and bright. The chestnuts had been warm in their hands and the world had seemed so big and exciting.

It still was.

It was just before… so much.

Renji stopped at the gate, expecting to have to explain his business, but the guard recognized him and smiled and waved him in with a, “Oh, I think I saw Kuchiki headed for the lieutenant’s office.”

“Uh…” it pained Renji to admit, but he hadn’t visited quite enough to be sure where to go. “Where’s that? And, uh… I mean, is it okay for me to interrupt?”

“We don’t have a lieutenant, remember?” The guard laughed as he came down from the tower to point out directions--it turned out that both the captain and lieutenant offices were situated near the Thirteenth’s large, deep lake. “Anyway, I’m sure it’s fine to interrupt her,” the guard said as he waved good-bye, “Everybody hangs out there.”

Kind of like his own office, then. That was nice.

Renji made his way around the edges of the practice yard where a group of early risers were doing some kind of mesmerizing, slow, graceful T’ai Chi exercises. After having to ask a few stray soldiers hanging out on the open, wooden porch of the Thirteenth’s Mess, Renji managed to finally spot the path that led down to the lakeside. There was a strong fishy smell in the air when he got closer to the water. Tall reeds grew up along the shoreline and, as he walked, frogs leaped into the shallows ahead of him, making little plop-plop sounds. Renji could see the elaborate dock and the open back end of Ugendō on the other side of the water. 

Just ahead, near a cleared, sandy beach was the captain’s office. Coming along the path, Renji startled a pair of white-naped cranes that sprung into the air with a great rustling of wings and noisy honks. 

Apparently alerted by the flight of the birds, two figures peered around the side of the building. Even at this distance, Renji recognized Rukia and, of course, Captain Ukitake was impossible not to identify with his long, bright white hair. He lifted a hand in greeting at the same time both Rukia and Ukitake waved him over happily.

Renji jogged the distance and, coming around the side of the building, found a cozy spot. There was a large, open veranda with several adirondack chairs spread out around tables and such--clearly lots of people gathered here to relax. This was made more obvious by the contained, ceramic bowl of a fire pit that stood up on steel legs. The whole thing must have been imported from the Human World. 

There was a strong smell of brewing tea, and Renji spied a kettle sitting on a partial grate that covered the fire. 

Captain Ukitake himself pulled a chair over for Renji, “Come, sit, Lieutenant Abarai! It’s so nice of you to drop by. Can I offer you tea? Or a cookie?

Rukia sheepishly held out a box of Country Ma’am cookies they’d been nibbling from.

"I brought chestnuts, too," Renji said, setting them down on the table in order to take a few cookies. Smiling, he teased, “Wow, straight from the box, eh? You must still be pretty hung over, eh, Captain?”

Ukitake instantly flushed bright red. “Oh. Well, yes, a bit,” he laughed. He fussed a bit with the tea things and then handed Renji a cup. He held on to the saucer a moment longer than was necessary and said in a very serious tone, “I do hope I didn’t… er, scare you yesterday. I, apparently, frightened several of my sister’s in-laws rather badly.”

Renji had no idea what he was talking about, but he was certainly curious especially since it probably had something to do with Thunder Goat, Kaminari Yagi. “Yeah?”

Ukitake gestured they should sit, and, once everyone had a place around the fire and had a few more cookies, he continued hesitantly, “I… uh, mmmmm, well, I guess I gave my sister’s husband a few very… choice words, even colorful, I daresay!” He smiled bashfully at that, tugging his ear like a schoolboy. “And, apparently, I threatened to use Sōgyo no Kotowari to remove his… uh, that is, um…” Ukitake may a vague gesture towards his own lap, but apparently found he couldn’t otherwise go on.

“He threatened to cut the guy’s balls off, Renji!” Rukia filled in with a mischievous grin.

“Wow,” Renji said, genuinely impressed. More than that, he was really happy to see Rukia engaged in something happening in the Seireitei, rather than so… focused on a certain someone in the Human World.

Though, Renji thought, looking at all the fairly new-looking furniture, someone certainly had been shopping a lot lately. In fact, he could totally see sly, romantically-inclined Ukitake suddenly needing ‘someone’ to ‘redecorate’ from things that just happened to be found in Karakura Town. 

Renji took a sip of the tea--strong and nutty, it cleared any remaining cobwebs from his head in an instant. “So, how’d it all shake out, as it were?”

“Well, I was just finishing telling that part of the story to Rukia,” Ukitake smiled. He cupped his own mug in front of his face, and looked out over the lake. The cranes had resettled near Ugendo. A mist hung lowly over the lake, smoky tendrils seeming to cling just over the ebbing ripples. Over the sounds of birds and frogs, Renji could hear the lapping of the waves as they washed against the sandy, reedy beach. “It’s fortunate that my sister’s husband owns a bookbinding business that’s some distance from the Seireitei. I was starting to sober up by the time I reached them, and, I apparently shocked myself the rest of the way to sobriety with my own words!” He laughed at himself, and then, conspiratorially leaned in and admitted, “Plus, I’m extremely distracted around good books…” He shrugged, as if the rest were obvious. “Suffice to say, I ended up staying for dinner and rather amicably negotiating the terms of divorce. Now Kami is free to marry Ando, if she likes. Though, I gently counselled taking some time and deciding what she wants to do with her life, but the important part is that it’s now entirely up to her.”

“Is she still in the Gotei?” Renji wondered.

“For the moment,” Rukia explained. “We were just discussing the fact that it makes just as much sense to keep her around as not. Besides,” she smiled fondly at Ukitake, “The captain has been a bit out of touch with his youngest sister, and so we were just saying she might as well stay at Ugendo for a few days until she gets sorted.”

Renji nodded. That all seemed really nice. He had a brief flash of jealousy about the relationship that Rukia seemed to have with her captain, but then he remembered all the times he and Byakuya hashed out Division business over meals… so, he figured that what he was really feeling right now was that he wished he were at the estate.

Ukitake took another sip of his tea, let out a long exhale and said, “Enough about me. How are things with you and Byakuya?”

Renji snorted a bit of tea. He always felt a little awkward talking about their relationship in front of Rukia. Glancing at her, she seemed to be studying the steam come up from her own cup. “Uh, well, actually we’re taking a little break.”

“What?” Ukitake put his tea mug down so fast, hot tea splashed everywhere.

“Oh, Taicho!” Rukia gasped, jumping up to try to find a napkin.

Ukitake waved off her concern, “What’s happening, Renji? Did… I mean, it wasn’t because of the captain’s meeting, was it?”

Renji let out a little chuckle, “Heh, if Byakuya couldn’t stand me drunk, we wouldn’t’ve lasted this long. No, it wasn’t that. It’s... “ he hazarded another sidelong glance at Rukia, “... well, it’s this whole clan war thing. I dunno, maybe it was the drink, but I suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a yakuza turf war, only instead of being a real lieutenant, I was just like them gokutsuma.”

Ukitake looked to Rukia as if for a translation. She glanced up from wiping up the spill from a napkin pulled from her hakama, “He means mafia wife.”

“Oh,” Ukitake said sadly, but with a nod of understanding. “Yes, it can be difficult to have a partner who is a secret-keeper.”

Renji didn’t know what to say to that, especially since it was obvious Captain Ukitake was speaking from experience. “So… how do you deal? I mean, I guess I’d hoped that ‘partner’ meant in all things.”

Ukitake smiled wistfully and looked out over the lake as he spoke. “Oh, Renji, I don’t have an answer for you. I suspect you’re a very different person than I am. And, as you can only imagine, Shunsui is worlds apart from Byakuya.” He smiled a little broader at that, obviously remembering some fond trait or other. He blinked away the thought, and returned his attention to Renji. “For me, I’ve always understood that there are things about Shunsui best kept in the dark, out of the light. I’ve stayed away from those things and don’t poke at them.” Ukitake’s gaze faltered and a bright blush bloomed across his pale cheeks. “Ah, that is, except when I do!”

Renji nodded thoughtfully, while he chewed his cookie. He guessed if there was any advice here, it was that all couples, no matter how long they’d been together, had rough patches. A pine log in the fire popped loudly, sending up a small shower of sparks as it collapsed. “Yeah, well, for us, the problem is kind of me. I mean, I’m the one with the dark stuff. This clan war is reminding me of a bunch of bullshit from Inuzuri.”

Rukia glanced at him then, “But you always stayed away from gangsters.”

“Exactly,” Renji said around the last bite of cookie, which he washed down with the strong tea. He gave her a serious look, “How’d you cope? How do you cope now?”

Rukia laughed, “Little sisters are even more out of the loop than lovers,” she said. “And before? I dunno…? I guess I’m good at compartmentalizing. And, uh… well, it wasn’t like I was looking to settle down back then, you know?”

“Right,” Renji grunted. 

“You dated mafia thugs, Rukia?” Ukitake asked, his eyes shining with curiosity. 

“Oh, just a few,” Rukia said with a little dismissive wave of her hand. “It was...um… I mean, I hate to sound so cold and crass, but, really, it was a great way to protect our whole gang. And, it’s not like I picked guys I didn’t already find attractive, you know?”

“She’s got a thing for kick-ass delinquents,” Renji teased.

Rukia smacked his arm, but she was laughing. Ukitake smiled indulgently, and said, “Oh, yes, that much is obvious.”

#

Renji hung out there for a couple of hours, passing time, warming his toes by the fire, talking about nothing, and eating way too many of Ukitake’s cookies. It was the last bit that finally compelled him to get up. Not only were other members of the Thirteenth dropping by in a way that made it obvious to Renji was that these little fireside chats were how things got settled in the Division, but also Ukitake was reaching for a second packet of cookies.

Waving them off, Renji stood up and sketched a little bow. “Thank you for your hospitality, captain, but I’ve got my own Division to see to.”

Ukitake stood up with a pleasant, “Yes, of course. Do come again, Renji! You’re always welcome here.”

Rukia gave him a goodbye punch in the arm. “Don’t sweat the clan war, big guy,” she smiled at him. Then, giving him a broad wink, added, “Hurry up and make up with nii-sama. I don’t think I can stand him moping around without you.”

Renji nodded, thinking it all felt kind of stupid and trivial in the light of day. “Don’t worry,” he reassured her. “We’ve already survived worse.”

#

When Renji arrived back at the Division, Nanako met him at the office door with her hands on her hips. “This is exactly what’s wrong with fraternization,” she fumed, poking a finger into his chest.

He backed up a step and raised his hands in surrender, “Wait, what? What is?”

“You two, something’s happened, because the captain is in a terrible mood. He denied three vacation requests and got all stupid-picky with me over requisition forms.” She grabbed one off her desk and waved it in Renji’s face, “He told me to do it over! Do you know how long this took me the first time?”

Renji grabbed the forms from her, “Just give it to me. I’ll re-do it.”

“You’d better,” she snarled, turning away from him to stomp back to her desk. “And I’m going to make you tell everyone they didn’t get vacation, too.” 

Renji frowned. It wasn’t war time. What was Byakuya thinking not letting people go right now? “What was his reasoning with the vacation stuff?”

“Three guesses and the first two don’t count!” she spat.

“Clan war,” Renji nodded glumly. He should’ve figured. “Except that ain’t supposed to affect Division business.”

“You want to try telling him that?” she asked.

“Not right now,” Renji agreed. “But when I go up with these,” he showed her the forms, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“You’re a braver man than me,” Nanako said with a shake of her head. 

“Nah,” Renji said, setting out his brush and ink. “Just more stubborn and foolhardy.”

#

Three hours later Renji was at the estate, forms in hand. Eishirō gave him a very startled look and asked, “May I ask why you’re asking to be formally announced, Master Abarai? You’re more than welcome just to make your way to the library. I was just about to send up lunch.”

Scratching the back of his neck, Renji frowned. He’d thought that it would be best to try to keep things as formal as possible, but now he wasn’t so sure. Besides, it didn’t seem necessary to put up extra walls between them. Things were going to be tense enough. “Yeah, okay, I guess there’s no harm in it.”

Eishirō smiled fondly and gave Renji a deep bow as he stepped out of the way. “I trust you to find your way, Lieutenant.”

#

At the library, Renji found the door shut, so he knocked softly. When he was met with stony silence, he reached out with his reiatsu to check to see if Byakuya was there. He only had to stretch out a little before he hit a stony wall. “Aw, c’mon, don’t be like that,” Renji said through the door. “I’m here on Division business, but we could have lunch together, right?”

There was a second more of silence before Byakuya grumbled petulantly, “I suppose.”

At that, Renji cautiously slid open the door. At first, Byakuya wasn’t visible, but then Renji saw him pulling himself out from under a pile of blankets draped over the kotatsu. Quickly straightening himself, he was clearly attempting to be dignified and act like he hadn’t been hiding--which made Renji chuckle a little to himself. Not that he let Byakuya see. Byakuya probably did not want to be laughed at right now, even if Renji meant it in the best possible way.

Renji schooled his expression to the best of his ability, which basically meant he scowled to hide his amusement.

Byakuya’s hair was a bit of a mess, either from hiding under the kotatsu or from sleeping badly. Renji thought maybe it was both, considering how rough he’d had it himself last night. As Renji approached, Byakuya turned his head pointedly away, as if determined to stay in a bad mood.

“Stop it,” Renji said, finally letting out the huge grin he’d been holding back, “You’re fucking killing me with all your cute grumpy.”

Turning sharply, Byakuya glared fiercely enough that Renji took a step back. “I am not cute.”

Easing closer, Renji slipped into the spot across from Byakuya. Tucking his legs under the blankets, there were several awkward moments as Byakuya determinedly shifted his feet in order to not brush up against Renji’s in any way. “Well, you sure are grumpy,” Renji said. Then, quieter, added, “And, I find that kinda cute.”

“I slept terribly,” Byakuya admitted sharply, pulling his feet away again, when they accidently had another bout of ‘footsie.’

“Me, too,” Renji said. When Byakuya jerked aside again and seemed to be starting to sit up into seiza, Renji put out a hand to stop him. “Look, my legs are long, I’m sorry okay. Stay! I’ll move.”

“No,” Byakuya said, settling back in. “It’s just… if we’re not going to be together, touching you, even by accident, is very… difficult.”

Renji let out a frustrated breath. Thing was, he really wanted to just forget about this, but he didn’t want to always be the one who gave in. “Yeah, I understand,” Renji said. “But, this is just temporary, right?”

As if in agreement, Byakuya’s leg slid up against his, and Renji could almost feel the tension rushing out of Byakuya at the simple contact. “I am in negotiation with Yakimura this evening.”

“Well, there you go, then,” Renji smiled, letting his stockinged toe play with Byakuya’s thigh. 

Byakuya’s eyes widened. Then, composing himself, he said, “You’re a very evil man, Renji Abarai.”

Renji gave him a toothy smile. “I want this clan war over, and soon..”

“I’m working on it,” Byakuya assured him. “There’s only so much I can do, given my own travel restrictions. I hate having to bring Yakimura here, but, in a way, it’s more appropriate for him to come to me.”

Renji nodded. So much of this stuff made sense when he looked at it with the angle of ‘what would a mafia boss do,’ “Yeah, you can’t be going to him. It’d make you seem like the weak one, anxious for resolution. You’re going to make him wait, I assume? Wear something real flash and set up the dias in the war room? Maybe have some retainers standing around, looking tough?”

“I… yes, that’s a fine idea,” Byakuya said. Then, almost slyly, added, “Though there will be a dearth of ‘toughs’ as you alone make the finest lieutenant.”

“Yeah? You want me to stand behind you with Zabimaru released over my shoulder or something?”

Unexpectedly, Byakuya blushed. Running fingers through the tangle of his inky hair, he attempted to cover his reaction. In fact, he turned away again, to stare out the open door to the courtyard beyond. “That would be... quite the image.”

“Hey, I could totally do it,” Renji said, warming to the idea. Maybe what he wanted was a more active role in this drama. “My complaint is being left out of this shit, remember?”

“I thought you didn’t like any of it,” Byakuya said.

“Well, I kind of don’t, but if having some Rukongai tough standing behind you looking murderous would make your kodomo shut up and fall into place, I can play that part for one night,” Renji said. “I just didn’t want to be blanked, you know?”

“My… children?” Byakuya asked.

“Yeah, kodomo, soldiers, underlings, whatever,” Renji said with a shrug. 

Byakuya nodded, as though making the connection. “Let me take your offer under serious consideration. I have no doubt that a little theater would go over well with Yakimura, but, he is used to actors, so, if you do this, you’d have to play your part earnestly.”

“You think I can’t do ‘threatening’ convincingly after how many years in the Eleventh?” Renji said with a wicked grin.

Again, Byakuya seemed a little flustered at this, which startled Renji a little. Most of the time, because of the games they played, Renji assumed that what Byakuya was into was Renji on his knees, begging, sobbing, and all that. He’d kind of forgotten that part of Byakuya’s kick had to do with how strong Renji was otherwise. 

Renji reached across the table and ran a finger along the sharp line of Byakuya’s jaw. “I’ll even go shirtless.”

Byakuya made a tiny noise and his lashes trembled, even as his voice stayed steady and strong. “Aunt Masama will say we’re making a mockery out of serious business.”

“Who says I’m going to be fooling around?” It wasn’t like mafia toughs didn’t play these kinds of theatrical games with deadly seriousness. Hell, it was actually part of what Renji hated about them. On the other hand, if it really helped Byakuya put an end to this… then maybe it was worth it. 

After all, Renji had long believed that the whole point of being big and strong was to do the shit that would otherwise break the smaller and weaker ones. Ichigo talked about protecting people. That wasn’t Renji’s gig. In fact, he kind of thought it was a little unfair. Everyone should get a chance to prove their mettle. That’s how some people found out what they had in them. 

Instead, Renji believed that it was the responsibility of the strong to face the ugly stuff, to do the duties that were too hard for others. 

It’s why he agreed to bring back Rukia when Byakuya didn’t think he could do it. That was the kind of shit the demon was for.

“You need me to just kill these fuckers?” Renji asked sincerely.

Byakuya, who had been avoiding eye contact, startled and met Renji’s steady gaze. After taking a few moments, as though to read the intent in their depths, Byakuya said, “No.”

A heartbeat later, he added, “Not yet.”

Renji nodded. He was in--all in now.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I've thanked my amazing beta reader/friend Josey (cestus) lately so I'm overdue with a big THANK YOU. You're the best, Josey! Thanks so much for always being there for idea-bouncing, support, Bleach chapter squee/thinky-thoughts, and general chat. 
> 
> Also, I'm going to put a cap on this series soon and start another one. Probably within two or three more installments (or one, if it's long). So, if any of you have cool ideas for a series title? I'd love to hear your ideas!


End file.
